Castle in the Air
“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” -- Shel Silverstein
i find myself forcing the pen- i have been instructed by the writer in a book i'm reading on writing to write a little everyday. regardless of the topic, or structure, or need-- just write. i thought it'd be easier. i actually feel like writing often, but its generally when i am in class, driving, or tending to my domestic duties. its not there when sit down and have the time.
i will now explain this. i have given my own 'road block'. probably for the last 10 years or more, if i had to venture a guess. i don't know why exactly. i don't know what precise moment (or if there is one)- where i decided that i was mediocre, would only be mediocre, and shouldn't bother to try for more. i don't know if it was the company i kept, if it was the wrong person's criticism, a natural born complex, or awareness that i truly wasn't exceptional.
this is not a degradation to myself- this is just the facts, ma'am. there were girls who were the prettiest, the 'coolest', the friendliest, the smartest, the sexiest, the most artistic, the most athletic... i was just in the middle. middle is good i guess, right? i mean- what is left after that? the bottom and the top. so the middle is the middle- and not the bottom at least, right?
--[two days later] i need time. time to sit and think and just type. i have so much to say or so it seems but then when i finally sit down and take the time, it seems as if nothing comes.
i find myself forcing the pen- i have been instructed by the writer in a book i'm reading on writing to write a little everyday. regardless of the topic, or structure, or need-- just write. i thought it'd be easier. i actually feel like writing often, but its generally when i am in class, driving, or tending to my domestic duties. its not there when sit down and have the time.
i will now explain this. i have given my own 'road block'. probably for the last 10 years or more, if i had to venture a guess. i don't know why exactly. i don't know what precise moment (or if there is one)- where i decided that i was mediocre, would only be mediocre, and shouldn't bother to try for more. i don't know if it was the company i kept, if it was the wrong person's criticism, a natural born complex, or awareness that i truly wasn't exceptional.
this is not a degradation to myself- this is just the facts, ma'am. there were girls who were the prettiest, the 'coolest', the friendliest, the smartest, the sexiest, the most artistic, the most athletic... i was just in the middle. middle is good i guess, right? i mean- what is left after that? the bottom and the top. so the middle is the middle- and not the bottom at least, right?
--[two days later] i need time. time to sit and think and just type. i have so much to say or so it seems but then when i finally sit down and take the time, it seems as if nothing comes.
Comments
Post a Comment