Miles or Inches
Well today was one for the books. I am actually unsure what to type. I am surrounded by love but I feel so alone.
If anyone questioned my loyalty, faith, or monogamy to my husband than I challenge them as I can attest that it should never be a concern. I have never loved anyone more that I didn't bare from my own womb. I have never trusted anyone as much. I have never felt as proud as I do for him. I miss him so much and its just been a few hours. I miss him so much that I half convinced myself that this was just a dream. I miss him so much that although I am enveloped in support and love by our dear friends and family; I feel alone without him near. Nothing seems as good, clear, or beautiful without him. My laughter feels empty, my arms heavy; the day and its required duties are just that, required. FUNction... not really so much fun...
Of course, I have a rational brain regardless of my heartache. He will return. This is not forever. He is doing a good thing. A service to us all. He supports me, I support him. It will get easier. It will go fast. Plenty of people around to hold you up, that love you, that are here. It'll be OK. At least he's not deploying (yet, I might add). He needs this. Etc, etc. Funny though, there appears to be a large, tightly knitted blanket separating my rational brain and my heart... so my heart can hear those wonderful words of wisdom, but it doesn't quite feel it yet... I suppose that's not completely true. I feel it. I swell with pride for him. I am blessed to be his wife and he will do amazing!... but today; right now, tonight... I feel lonely as I am sure he is too, and I wish the moments would move as fast as it does when we are together.
By the way, I am completely in awe of wives (and husbands) that perform this service each day, month, year... I thank you as well. Again, so many wonderful things; just adjusting maybe even mourning to some degree. Today is almost over. One day down. approximately 4,300 hours to go.
If anyone questioned my loyalty, faith, or monogamy to my husband than I challenge them as I can attest that it should never be a concern. I have never loved anyone more that I didn't bare from my own womb. I have never trusted anyone as much. I have never felt as proud as I do for him. I miss him so much and its just been a few hours. I miss him so much that I half convinced myself that this was just a dream. I miss him so much that although I am enveloped in support and love by our dear friends and family; I feel alone without him near. Nothing seems as good, clear, or beautiful without him. My laughter feels empty, my arms heavy; the day and its required duties are just that, required. FUNction... not really so much fun...
Of course, I have a rational brain regardless of my heartache. He will return. This is not forever. He is doing a good thing. A service to us all. He supports me, I support him. It will get easier. It will go fast. Plenty of people around to hold you up, that love you, that are here. It'll be OK. At least he's not deploying (yet, I might add). He needs this. Etc, etc. Funny though, there appears to be a large, tightly knitted blanket separating my rational brain and my heart... so my heart can hear those wonderful words of wisdom, but it doesn't quite feel it yet... I suppose that's not completely true. I feel it. I swell with pride for him. I am blessed to be his wife and he will do amazing!... but today; right now, tonight... I feel lonely as I am sure he is too, and I wish the moments would move as fast as it does when we are together.
By the way, I am completely in awe of wives (and husbands) that perform this service each day, month, year... I thank you as well. Again, so many wonderful things; just adjusting maybe even mourning to some degree. Today is almost over. One day down. approximately 4,300 hours to go.
I sure do love you N. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I got to work this morning and had a feeling that you may have posted something. Continue! It will be good for you to lean on SOMETHING. Stubborn lil' thing. I love you, and I am here for you.
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