lugubrious, melancholy, somber: "The Right Word" is hardly found
It's 12:39 am, a Tuesday night, or Wednesday morning rather; the house is asleep. Everyone but me and the television. Dexter Season 5, episode 8 I believe. We are actually on Season 8, but since my love has a sleep schedule different than my own; I am going back mostly for sound... and possibly a lesson in boorish vocabulary via Debra Morgan. Her character uses the 'F" words in ways I have never thought of. *I just realized that the Netflix provided closed captions edit all the cuss words on this episode! Ha.
I am on nights until May. I start my shift in the dark and come home in the dark. I revel in any minute of sunshine I might catch in the hour or so before I have to ready myself and head to work. I close my eyes and feel the sunbeams lay their long fingers upon my forehead and cheekbones; warming my face in those tiny moments. I look forward to warmer days, but we have many days of winter left before then.
Although I had a most lovely night with my darling, we try to have a date once a week, and I need those moments to keep me steady and held strong. He is my rock of Gibraltar, my anchor, my mainstay, and my protection. He is my new day, sunshine on my face, a warm breeze, and comfy wooby wraps. I digress. The night was lovely as I spent it with my best friend... but I found out very disheartening news at the beginning of the night, and it is hanging over my head and weighing on my heart very heavily. A mentor of mine, a man I admired so fully, a cop of all cops, a hero to many, a knight without shiny armor but instead a badge, having been there for many victims-- a police officer, detective, supervisor, instructor, friend, husband, father, son... hero; died yesterday. He had battled cancer for more than a year. Took leave from work. Retired. Spent time with his family. And finally succumbed to it.
I heard the news and I immediately choked back the very quick and hot tears that welled up immediately. My throat was tight and my heart broken. This was the man, in real flesh and blood, (not those of literature, movies, and television I grew up with); a legend in our community of the type of LEO that I want to be. I watched him through the news as I was growing up-- tales of horror in our own community, and a face in front of the mission for justice. As an adult and while I pursued my college degrees, I had the privilege of taking classes that this man taught at an university in our city. I think I learned more in these classes than any of the others combined--- because he taught from a real, hands on perspective. He was there. He faced murderers, rapists, abusers. He carried the weight of many, many victims. He helped put away many, many bad people. He had tenacity, intelligence, strength, compassion, devotion, integrity... when people said to me, "why do you want to do what you're doing?"-- one of the reasons I always provided, or examples that I could give, was mention of him.
Tonight (01/18/2014), I will prepare my A uniform, polish my boots, dust off my hat in preparation for the funeral. My husband gave the most amazing toast to me, the night I found out. We were at dinner. We raised our water glasses, the two of us; and after he toasted to he and I-- he toasted to Lt., the amazing man and officer that he was, and asked that his spirit live on through me as I continue with my career. What an honor although I am not sure I am worthy. But my mentor, was also very human-- and at times, made mistakes. He also shared some of those with the rest of us, so that we may save ourselves the heartache.
So, Lt. KL; may you rest in peace. I am certain your family will not be the same without you here, but will always love and forever miss you. Your friends, I am sure, will feel the same. And all of those, whose lives you touched without even knowing... will always admire and look up to you. Thank you for your inspiration, knowledge, time, and compassion.
I am on nights until May. I start my shift in the dark and come home in the dark. I revel in any minute of sunshine I might catch in the hour or so before I have to ready myself and head to work. I close my eyes and feel the sunbeams lay their long fingers upon my forehead and cheekbones; warming my face in those tiny moments. I look forward to warmer days, but we have many days of winter left before then.
Although I had a most lovely night with my darling, we try to have a date once a week, and I need those moments to keep me steady and held strong. He is my rock of Gibraltar, my anchor, my mainstay, and my protection. He is my new day, sunshine on my face, a warm breeze, and comfy wooby wraps. I digress. The night was lovely as I spent it with my best friend... but I found out very disheartening news at the beginning of the night, and it is hanging over my head and weighing on my heart very heavily. A mentor of mine, a man I admired so fully, a cop of all cops, a hero to many, a knight without shiny armor but instead a badge, having been there for many victims-- a police officer, detective, supervisor, instructor, friend, husband, father, son... hero; died yesterday. He had battled cancer for more than a year. Took leave from work. Retired. Spent time with his family. And finally succumbed to it.
I heard the news and I immediately choked back the very quick and hot tears that welled up immediately. My throat was tight and my heart broken. This was the man, in real flesh and blood, (not those of literature, movies, and television I grew up with); a legend in our community of the type of LEO that I want to be. I watched him through the news as I was growing up-- tales of horror in our own community, and a face in front of the mission for justice. As an adult and while I pursued my college degrees, I had the privilege of taking classes that this man taught at an university in our city. I think I learned more in these classes than any of the others combined--- because he taught from a real, hands on perspective. He was there. He faced murderers, rapists, abusers. He carried the weight of many, many victims. He helped put away many, many bad people. He had tenacity, intelligence, strength, compassion, devotion, integrity... when people said to me, "why do you want to do what you're doing?"-- one of the reasons I always provided, or examples that I could give, was mention of him.
Tonight (01/18/2014), I will prepare my A uniform, polish my boots, dust off my hat in preparation for the funeral. My husband gave the most amazing toast to me, the night I found out. We were at dinner. We raised our water glasses, the two of us; and after he toasted to he and I-- he toasted to Lt., the amazing man and officer that he was, and asked that his spirit live on through me as I continue with my career. What an honor although I am not sure I am worthy. But my mentor, was also very human-- and at times, made mistakes. He also shared some of those with the rest of us, so that we may save ourselves the heartache.
So, Lt. KL; may you rest in peace. I am certain your family will not be the same without you here, but will always love and forever miss you. Your friends, I am sure, will feel the same. And all of those, whose lives you touched without even knowing... will always admire and look up to you. Thank you for your inspiration, knowledge, time, and compassion.
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