Spiel

What is going on with me? I am out of control. I don't know if you have ever experienced Divine Intervention, or a "calling" -- a true, spiritual calling to do something greater than what you'd been doing previous to this interaction with Fate's salesman. It is overwhelming. It is all consuming. It is smothering. It is painful, and it is joyous. I have felt this one other time before. I was working in a nursing home as a receptionist. We had an in service regarding Hospice- and the nurse giving the meeting was simply explaining some of the procedures and some of the facilities available and some of the reasons why people choose Hospice- when I noticed that I was softly bawling. (if bawling can ever be considered 'soft'). I didn't know why- I wasn't currently involved with someone going through this stage of their life- I had lost people before, but not in a manner similar to this that might strike those chords-- what was the deal? I've always been a softy- and or like the others like to call me, "quite sensitive"-- but I'd also dealt with similar meetings, of course many discussions, and several deaths before. The second thing I noticed was an overwhelming urge to immediately start doing that line of work. I mean as urgent as an 8mth old pregnant woman needs to pee-- I needed to be doing it right then. Finally, I felt like any doubts of direction, of steps to take or any other moment-- I was needed in this line of work. That I could somehow help- and that someone much much greater than me was trying as hard and clearly as possible to tell me so. I pursued nursing after that point. You have to be a nurse to do that specific assistance. I was pregnant with my daughter so the places I visited did not want me doing that line of work while pregnant with her (such as rounds, schooling, turning, lifting residents, etc)... my daughter was born. she was ill. i quit work. i left the calling to a whisper and walked away from it.
HOWEVER, i have used this spiritual guidance with others as they have passed. i have been told multiple times that i seem 'built' for it- as it comes through me almost as if i were being puppeteered by spiritual strings-- and the patient is comforted and their family is comforted and i am stronger...
but today- i found myself in tears again. today, so so many years later, i found myself faced with an intervention. its not one unheard of if you know me--- but this time it feels as if God was practically SCREAMING at me, although i could barely make out the words. in fact, i wish i could have turned it up so i understood EXACTLY what He wants me to do and what direction i need to go and how in the WORLD am i going to pull this all off??? i have a family. i just got married. i am in school. i have a job. i have friends. i am not so brave-- but i am being called to be brave... much more than i feel prepared for.

can someone please--- tell me if this is right??