Earwig
its actually a word. not just a Star Trek character developed for the movie The Wrath of Khan. i know. you are just itching for me to tell you what it means, aren't you? OK, fine. you asked so nicely and are sitting there so pretty- how could i say no?
earwig (v): to annoy or attempt to influence by private talk
So, she can earwig you, you can be earwigged, and they may be earwigging right this moment over the water cooler.
i use that today (not only because it depicts a great mental picture AND makes my ears itch) but also because this is my private, secret spot to 'speak', so to speak. i find myself to be quite open here- but on the same token, i am still shielding. i do this. you do this. we all do this. its a defense mechanism and i'd venture to say its necessary for survival. if i said EXACTLY how i feel about all there is to be spoken here- you may find yourself with a bad taste in your mouth. i am human. i am not always a nice person. i am sometimes mean. i am sometimes dirty. but... i try to, for the most part- be better than what is expected, and even what might come naturally. its very easy for the curse "GD" to come spewing out of ones mouth when angry- your cat just spilled an entire chocolate shake on the kitchen floor, you've had to repeat THE SAME friggin' thing over to your spouse because the first three times their head was in a video game, you've just got a flat tire AND you're already late for a meeting... but even though these two words are JUST words- together they mean a lot more than that. at least, i feel like they do. that's just a little example- my point is that its all work really.
work to be better. work to be accepted. work to feel fit. work to understand. work to communicate. sometimes work to love. but the beautiful thing about this "job"? the payoff is glorious! i am coming to a place where i never thought i'd be. a constant epiphany. i have felt some days that if today is my day- if this is the end- then i will be at peace with it. Michael Angelo's last words (were said to be): "My soul I resign to God, my body to the earth, my worldly goods to my next akin." of course- i could be completely wrong should i find myself on my deathbed tomorrow! and although i can not find the best way to express this here (perhaps i should try)- then i feel comfortable knowing that i have affected. am i done? no. i hope to do miles more... but i hope that those i love have no doubts about the depths my love reaches for them.
this brings me to another point- a friend recently wrote almost my same exact thoughts- if i settle for as good as i am now- might i stop trying for more? its true i think. we must constantly keep our self-improvements on their toes-- but this should be equally balanced with confidence and comfort in who we are today. assuming we are doing today the best we can for today. but we can not allow old habits, old recordings, old lives of old us to ruin our possibilities now. if we are down on our best todays than we can not progress for better tomorrows.
so i say to you- my sweet, beautiful friend; believe in yourself. know that today was your best, and that sometimes even when we are not at our best, we are still okay. tomorrow is another day- and we can give it another shot. i believe trying is very key. and i know you are trying. (not in the sense our parents referred while we were teenagers)- but giving effort. you are a beautiful, intelligent, hilarious person. you are a great friend to a selected few that you have opened your heart to. (meaning to those you have opened to- you love them dearly)--you are a good person. you are a great girlfriend or so i can gather-- i don't actually date you (but i have seen you in action)- well, not action-action... but you know what i mean. you are incredibly talented too, i might add... for one pinkie nail's worth of your beautiful musical abilities, i'd give you my WHOLE pinkie!
and less i forget- thank you for your confidence in me.
well, i should say ado- the hour is drawing near, and before i like it, it will be time to drag my meat sack (well said Rhea), out of bed and off for my day of scholastic adventure!
i apologize for any such rambling and incorrect sentence structure- i'll try to do better tomorrow.
Bonne nuit.
earwig (v): to annoy or attempt to influence by private talk
So, she can earwig you, you can be earwigged, and they may be earwigging right this moment over the water cooler.
i use that today (not only because it depicts a great mental picture AND makes my ears itch) but also because this is my private, secret spot to 'speak', so to speak. i find myself to be quite open here- but on the same token, i am still shielding. i do this. you do this. we all do this. its a defense mechanism and i'd venture to say its necessary for survival. if i said EXACTLY how i feel about all there is to be spoken here- you may find yourself with a bad taste in your mouth. i am human. i am not always a nice person. i am sometimes mean. i am sometimes dirty. but... i try to, for the most part- be better than what is expected, and even what might come naturally. its very easy for the curse "GD" to come spewing out of ones mouth when angry- your cat just spilled an entire chocolate shake on the kitchen floor, you've had to repeat THE SAME friggin' thing over to your spouse because the first three times their head was in a video game, you've just got a flat tire AND you're already late for a meeting... but even though these two words are JUST words- together they mean a lot more than that. at least, i feel like they do. that's just a little example- my point is that its all work really.
work to be better. work to be accepted. work to feel fit. work to understand. work to communicate. sometimes work to love. but the beautiful thing about this "job"? the payoff is glorious! i am coming to a place where i never thought i'd be. a constant epiphany. i have felt some days that if today is my day- if this is the end- then i will be at peace with it. Michael Angelo's last words (were said to be): "My soul I resign to God, my body to the earth, my worldly goods to my next akin." of course- i could be completely wrong should i find myself on my deathbed tomorrow! and although i can not find the best way to express this here (perhaps i should try)- then i feel comfortable knowing that i have affected. am i done? no. i hope to do miles more... but i hope that those i love have no doubts about the depths my love reaches for them.
this brings me to another point- a friend recently wrote almost my same exact thoughts- if i settle for as good as i am now- might i stop trying for more? its true i think. we must constantly keep our self-improvements on their toes-- but this should be equally balanced with confidence and comfort in who we are today. assuming we are doing today the best we can for today. but we can not allow old habits, old recordings, old lives of old us to ruin our possibilities now. if we are down on our best todays than we can not progress for better tomorrows.
so i say to you- my sweet, beautiful friend; believe in yourself. know that today was your best, and that sometimes even when we are not at our best, we are still okay. tomorrow is another day- and we can give it another shot. i believe trying is very key. and i know you are trying. (not in the sense our parents referred while we were teenagers)- but giving effort. you are a beautiful, intelligent, hilarious person. you are a great friend to a selected few that you have opened your heart to. (meaning to those you have opened to- you love them dearly)--you are a good person. you are a great girlfriend or so i can gather-- i don't actually date you (but i have seen you in action)- well, not action-action... but you know what i mean. you are incredibly talented too, i might add... for one pinkie nail's worth of your beautiful musical abilities, i'd give you my WHOLE pinkie!
and less i forget- thank you for your confidence in me.
well, i should say ado- the hour is drawing near, and before i like it, it will be time to drag my meat sack (well said Rhea), out of bed and off for my day of scholastic adventure!
i apologize for any such rambling and incorrect sentence structure- i'll try to do better tomorrow.
Bonne nuit.
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