Splendiferous Conventionality

Origin of BELOVED: Middle English, from past participle of beloven to love, from be- + loven to love First Known Use: 14th century. Words escape me. I have you on my mind all day long... over and over running through my mind, even when I am dreaming. The moment I sit down to express it. The words escape me. He is the warm breeze that glances off my shoulders and whispers as it blows through my hair, circling around me, I feel the comforts of home and I feel safe. He is the light that illuminates my path leading my way, and on the dreariest and darkest of days, he is my sunshine. He is the carrier of my heart, and wherever he goes, it goes with him...  

i can't write now, although i want to. i feel the devil knocking on my door, breathing down my neck; with his hot, fervent breath making the hairs on my neck singe. "you can't do this. you're not strong enough. you're no different than anyone else, what makes you so special?" why i would bother to even entertain his thoughts, i do not know. maybe i am not strong enough... why can't i beat him away? oh, yeah... that's right; because through all of me that makes me 'magical' and hopeful; i am also considerably practical. blame it on my education, training; shiv... i bet we could chalk up a good percentage to life... i bust bust bust but i'm not knocking down any doors... i'm barely making dents in the walls. all that i do and exert energy for are all wonderful, meaningful things for life and life only... these are not career associations. i've never even held a job in the area that i am wanting to end up in-- not to mention,...

A series of unfortunate events have followed me through these last two weeks or so- and although the pessimistic side of me is nipping at my ankles to turn my back on life, love, and hope; the optimistic and realistic sides have paired together to kick Miss Pess I. Mistic to the curb so the whole can function as best as possible under the current strains and circumstances. Once I outline them you may say to yourself- 'shiv. I've heard worse. hell, I've been through worse.'-- well, I say to you, kudos for surviving it and I wish for all involved your strength and perseverance. [ I have had worse moments as well-- but regardless of all my experience, some days are just flippin' harder to deal with than others ] I'd like to take the opportunity to preface this ( one of my pet peeves actually ) by saying one or two of these events may not be so hard to prevail with a reasonable sense of sanity-- all of these combined have worn a tired girl thinner. My daughter...

my mind is whirling. seriously feeling out of control. a roller coaster without a stop switch. a one way ticket to on and on. for all those years i let it ride now its catching up to me. i can't stop. i can't stand still. i can't sleep at peace. i can hardly breathe. i want to do so much. but time seems so short. my heart too big my brain so full my pocket so thin. some one-- please help me off this thing.