Splendiferous Conventionality

wow. i just yawned big enough that i forced myself to end the yawn in fear of swallowing my own face...

Just a few lines. "Write just a few lines everyday." Sometimes having the ability to write 'just a few lines' requires the same energy to do just 10 more sit ups when your stomach muscles are already screaming at you from the 30 the day before. My brain works in a similar fashion. I have done too many 'crunches' and it is tired at this point. It is easier to make up or rationalize a reason not to write [hence using my brain]-- then to just do a few lines. Is this laziness? Is this disassociation? Is this denial? Is this fair? I am not the only one working hard. You might be someone who is working hard too. Maybe your best friend, your spouse, your parent are also working their asses off- and possibly walking the thin and shaky line of sanity and 'lost my gottdam mind'... I am not gloating, boasting, whining, [well, a little on the latter]; or inducting myself into the Martyr of the Year Hall of Fame-- I guess I am just reminding myself that I am wor...

Ironically, my favorite ice cream is very similar to my 'real' life... although the name is indicative of troubles and challenges... it is filled with hidden pleasantries; marshmallow creme and almonds encased in a chocolaty goodness... although eaten in large quantities, will cause a tummy ache --like life. Life must be taken in small bites- no more than one can chew... otherwise one might choke. I am thankful for my little bowl of goodness- a nice little treat after a very long day. I know that some friends of mine are currently having a much harder time of life- and the rocky road feels, and is extra bumpy right now. I send them hugs and hope for sunnier and brighter days. Hold on to one another, and keep the shiny side up. To my besties- y'all are the best. Thank you for your love and support. Have a bowl of your favorite yummy iced cream- you deserve it too! Good night moon- I see you smiling tonight.

I just wanted to take the quickest of moments to say how thankful I am for what I have. I'd be lying if I was saying that it is easy, and sundays with sprinkles all the time... there are days I wonder if I will make it through, or if I have the strength to do anything else, I sometimes feel unappreciated, I sometimes feel worn, I sometimes wonder if I am a good enough mom, friend, daughter, sister, spouse... do I worry more than I need to, do I not do enough for them, for my community, for my part of the world; maybe I am doing too much, have taken on too much? Spread myself too thin. This isn't a blog about that- this is just a simple thanks to all the above mentioned- and for God for gracing me with this life- as tough as it might be- for allowing me this experience. I am truly blessed and lucky and so glad to have what I have; and for the first time in my life- I feel content and happy and loved. There is so much more to see and do- but I feel ready to face it. Also- thinkin...

My table, currently, is the perfect analogy of my life... piles of things to be done; homework, kids' papers, bills to pay, receipts; window cleaner, a bottle of Pledge and some paper towels; a hammer, two dead batteries, some medicine, and approximately four broken items in desperate need of some serious super glue. All these things remain on the table... no one is fixing, gluing, paying, filing, or giving any attention to these things... they sit and collect dust and past due notices... the table, like me, is overwhelmed. There are too many things to fix; too many pieces to match up to their broken spots; too many things to keep straight and organize-- I want to take my long, gangly arm and sweep these things on to the floor- watching with glee as they tumble onto the floor with various degrees of sounds- CRASH BANG THUMP CLATTER- batteries roll under the couch, the cat chases the roll of paper towels, papers flit and flutter until they finally find a new home amongst the wood fl...

What's the use? I shall not exceed any one's expectations, or excel above you or they... ...my whole life has been an 'average'... not drop dead gorgeous, not a genius, not a talented superstar, not an admirable athlete, not an undeniable funny man... just an average-pretty fairly-smart funny gal... B-O-R-I-N-G I was going to take up fencing for this entire reason. I don't know a single person who fences. How exciting would that be? and in conversations- imagine your surprise when you ask; "And what do you do in your spare time?"- I could then say, with total modesty and complete nonchalance; "Oh me? I fence. It's really no big deal; I just took it up for fun really; but I am going to France this summer for the championship. It's rather exciting." And then you would be like- "What? That is exciting. I don't know a single person who fences. You are unique." ... I guess that is what it boils down to. Being unique. Unlike an...

- fresh fallen snow - perfectly brewed coffee - finding a close parking space - getting all green lights when running late - a fluffy comfy wooby - fuzzy kittens and cuddly puppies - fresh baked chocolate chip cookies and ice cold milk - a heads up penny - finding a childhood friend and falling back right where you left off - turning on the radio to hear your favorite song - a warm towel out of a steamy shower - a glance from your lover across the room - getting a high score on Yahtzee night - family fun night and mini-me cuddles - finding the perfect shoes... ON CLEARANCE - finding $5 in a coat pocket from last winter - a perfect lip gloss - hot cocoa with marshmallow... MARSHMALLOW CREAM - Saturday morning cartoons with a bowl of Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch - jeans day - fresh pad of notebook paper and a perfect pen - Cinnamon Bun Ben & Jerry's ice cream - handmade cards - the perfect pair of sunglasses - sleeping in on Sunday morning - breakfast for supper - homemade pie ...