Languid Linguistics
there is a block. a square. a square block-- aren't most blocks square?-- sitting between my shoulders. fascinating to me that this could occur with so much swirling around about the air between my ears. i have books to aid in these kind of things- but i just feel stubborn and do not want someone 'telling' me what to write. (sheesh) i have seen or heard many things lately that are certainly worthy of 'penning' but yet i can't.
perhaps i can but haven't. i want to write something different. perhaps i can not because i have math (logic=letters) and a literature novel "A Little Yellow Dog" all running through my mind instead- keeping me free from creativity but rather focused on school as needed. hungry for semester to end but yet it is had made my stomach ache. when it ends, it will begin again. all that i have worked for will no longer be on the back burner, it will be moved up to the front and the temperature cranked. i have the map in front of me now and i can see the route i am to take but i do not know if there will be road blocks, construction, detours, side trips; what if i have been holding my map upside down this whole time? i see how many get 'comfortable' being a student- i am afraid that i am not all that i have hoped to be for what i hope to do. i have passion, i am gaining education, i lack experience. what if someone (after all this work) determines that will be necessary and all i've done (after all this work) will be all for naught.
i have backup plans. i do. they are reasonable too. i have this planned. i survive best on plan and details these days. ha. who woulda' thunk it? i was told at one time that i had 'no order' or any schedule- implying my flightiness was consuming of my own self... truth be told that person spoke such in anger and as we have all individually learned- words fueled and saturated with anger, do nothing well but make fire and burn those close. i am not 'organized' in lots of ways still--- i feel it is my balance. to keep me grounded and quite frankly; like-able.
although interested in spewing more of what seems to be seeping around and out from these restricted straight lines and 90degree angles-- i have what seems like an overwhelming 'to do' list and it is already after midnight...
sweet dreams and warmer tomorrows.
p.s. my husband celebrated my recognition today with a most perfectly grilled steak- thank you dearest for your love, support, and your most tasty KCstrip. i could not have done all of this without you. (not this blog- obviously it requires little work- but all the rest for sure)
xoxo Hopefully yours
perhaps i can but haven't. i want to write something different. perhaps i can not because i have math (logic=letters) and a literature novel "A Little Yellow Dog" all running through my mind instead- keeping me free from creativity but rather focused on school as needed. hungry for semester to end but yet it is had made my stomach ache. when it ends, it will begin again. all that i have worked for will no longer be on the back burner, it will be moved up to the front and the temperature cranked. i have the map in front of me now and i can see the route i am to take but i do not know if there will be road blocks, construction, detours, side trips; what if i have been holding my map upside down this whole time? i see how many get 'comfortable' being a student- i am afraid that i am not all that i have hoped to be for what i hope to do. i have passion, i am gaining education, i lack experience. what if someone (after all this work) determines that will be necessary and all i've done (after all this work) will be all for naught.
i have backup plans. i do. they are reasonable too. i have this planned. i survive best on plan and details these days. ha. who woulda' thunk it? i was told at one time that i had 'no order' or any schedule- implying my flightiness was consuming of my own self... truth be told that person spoke such in anger and as we have all individually learned- words fueled and saturated with anger, do nothing well but make fire and burn those close. i am not 'organized' in lots of ways still--- i feel it is my balance. to keep me grounded and quite frankly; like-able.
although interested in spewing more of what seems to be seeping around and out from these restricted straight lines and 90degree angles-- i have what seems like an overwhelming 'to do' list and it is already after midnight...
sweet dreams and warmer tomorrows.
p.s. my husband celebrated my recognition today with a most perfectly grilled steak- thank you dearest for your love, support, and your most tasty KCstrip. i could not have done all of this without you. (not this blog- obviously it requires little work- but all the rest for sure)
xoxo Hopefully yours
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