Splendiferous Conventionality

there is a block. a square. a square block-- aren't most blocks square ?-- sitting between my shoulders. fascinating to me that this could occur with so much swirling around about the air between my ears. i have books to aid in these kind of things- but i just feel stubborn and do not want someone 'telling' me what to write. (sheesh) i have seen or heard many things lately that are certainly worthy of 'penning' but yet i can't. perhaps i can but haven't. i want to write something different. perhaps i can not because i have math (logic=letters) and a literature novel "A Little Yellow Dog" all running through my mind instead- keeping me free from creativity but rather focused on school as needed. hungry for semester to end but yet it is had made my stomach ache. when it ends, it will begin again. all that i have worked for will no longer be on the back burner, it will be moved up to the front and the temperature cranked. i have the map in front of m...

my memory is failing me. if in fact it is true that our brains only use a certain percent, then it makes sense that when new information must be stored, old information must be cleaned out. kind of like a coat closet. one can not continue to stuff years and years of coats into that tiny space and expect it to function as a proper coat closet without items wrinkling and flowing out... ( apparently, in case you are wondering and/or are worried, this percentage thing is a myth ) but i wish most that i could have a choice in what should be 'replaced'... i certainly do NOT need to know how to beat Super Mario Brothers one, two, and three (including every extra life and warp zone). Although, i am pretty certain i earned a fair amount of 'cool' points from my son when i proved that i could do this still! Another bit of useless info stored in my grey matter- cartoon and television characters that i watched as early as age 4. What good are these memories? Sure it brings me...

Reflection: Fatigued. I feel rather blank at this point. Spent from emotion on lessons and life events coupled with the routine stress of scholastic adventure. Standing at your hospital bed and seeing you so vulnerable, while suffering terribly from pain and the stresses associated with the unknown and assumable accompaniment of outrageous hospital bills within the discovery; I flashed back within my heart to two years before with one that we lost. I would be lying if I said I had felt strong, or prepared, or brave enough to stand beside those cold bars, and that thin mattress without distress for what might be. I prayed unconsciensly to God to better you absolutely immediatly and for it to be nothing or something small and uneventful. Your pain was mine, your tears I shared, and your fear I felt. Although I was greatly overwhelmed with the work I have to deal with this weekend- I could find myself nowhere else appropriate other than at your side. It felt absolutely necessary- ...

"It all depends on how we look at things, and not on how things are in themselves. The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it ." ~Carl Jung

A series of unfortunate events have followed me through these last two weeks or so- and although the pessimistic side of me is nipping at my ankles to turn my back on life, love, and hope; the optimistic and realistic sides have paired together to kick Miss Pess I. Mistic to the curb so the whole can function as best as possible under the current strains and circumstances. Once I outline them you may say to yourself- 'shiv. I've heard worse. hell, I've been through worse.'-- well, I say to you, kudos for surviving it and I wish for all involved your strength and perseverance. [ I have had worse moments as well-- but regardless of all my experience, some days are just flippin' harder to deal with than others ] I'd like to take the opportunity to preface this ( one of my pet peeves actually ) by saying one or two of these events may not be so hard to prevail with a reasonable sense of sanity-- all of these combined have worn a tired girl thinner. My daughter...

i have much to say and no words to say it. i wish that i could do this a-la-Matrix sometimes- and just 'plug' in. i am learning Logic in my math class and for the first time in my life, ( shhh, its a secret ) i am actually sorta enjoying it! i have heartburn- it seems to stem from hunger- bodily functions and bodily needs should be optional or less time consuming and certainly less demanding.  i managed to reproduce two identical images of me- one male and one female- except they are already both on their way to being smarter than me, braver than me, and some day stronger than me. they are amazing, beautiful blessings. these two beautiful blessings have already made it possible that the rest of the universe will never see my true hair color again; for if it is true that stress causes gray hairs- baby, i be covered. i wish that cartoons were the same as when i was a kid, in the good ol days. that last statement just made me sound old. i am older than you. i s...

The guitar strums behind me. I can hear occasionally notes that were once taught to me, but that I did not have the patience to follow through with. It alters between the moody and meloncholy to the upbeat riff of an Irish drinking shanty- to one being played that is ironic for the current situation. Tonight it's our way of speaking about what needs to be said but without any words. I guess I will settle for the company and although the elephant in the room is certainly taking up more than its fair share-- I have to succumb to not having control over it. I have seen many forms of love. I have love for my children. For my family. For my friends. For my cat. For humanity. The love I have for my husband is so incredibly different than any of these, but yet it encompasses these. However, out of all of these loves that we have for all these different  people (or animals)-- the one that seems to be the most difficult to maintain healthily- is the love for our spouse or significant...